signs you are sick

1) sneezing - i mean repeated sneezes, like five in a row, every hour

2) hot flashes - normally you tend to run cold, but when everyone else in the office is freezing, you're comfortable

3) suddenly cold - just after a hot flash, you're all of a sudden freezing. not just cold, but shaking

4) you're cranky - yeah, the person on the other end of that phone call may have terminal cancer, but damnit! they need to pay their bills just like everyone else!

5) loss of appetite - normally you could eat all day, but not when everything tastes like cardboard

6) tiredness - at 8:30pm on a saturday, you - 25 and single - are already in bed

7) cough - the kind that makes your head feel like it will implode and keeps you and your neighbors up at night

8) apathy - you don't care what the hell is going on in the world - you just want some f-ing peace and quiet!

9) red nose - after countless hours spent blowing your nose with cheap office tissue, you are mistaken for a drunk

10) addiction - every four hours to the second you reach for that bottle of thick sweet syrup