Firsts Sometimes Look Like Memories of Ancient Past

I know I'm getting frustrated because the F-bombs keeps dropping from my lips. I was always the bad influence on those around me, though ask any officer and they'll tell you how innocent I look. Today I used a term I normally despise, but nothing else seemed to fill the gap between frustration and expression, and even that word didn't seem to fit right. Though words you think yourself above using usually are all elbows when they resonate from your voicebox for the first time.

Of course the five hours of sleep doesn't help any, though I wouldn't trade the exhaustion for the vigil through the shortest night of the year as the sun made its brief getaway, horizon to horizon with spilled royal blue and a spattering of pinprick stars in the interim. And you, and I, ice cream and Jewish wine, movies, Phase 10, midnight store runs and finally Rock Band until we saw the sun's toes to the east, her breath across the whole sky. And I fell into bed on my face, sage knit and fan on my feet. I thought it would be too loud to sleep through. That was the last thought I had before he woke us with a fist on the door. When you work bank hours you can't be picky about what time the cable installer wakes you on a Saturday morning.

And then breakfast big bellies, showers and wine. And as the sky began to weep, you left, back on the black ribbon that would lead through the ancient ripplemarks--now covered in sagebrush and wheat--from here to there. Did the rhythm of the road sing to you as tiny flying creatures made your windshield their sacred burial ground?

And I, my hope that rain would evacuate my duties squelched, standing in the downpour, hose in hand as the sky split open again and again.

Later now, and the bills are paid. The balance added up. New to-dos added to the list which somehow never shrinks. A call to reclaim the love that has flown to Philadelphia. Exhaustion creeps in, sits on my lips and scratches at the back of my throat. My eyelids remind me, and now it's almost ten. Yes, I will go to sleep. But this is more important. This is much more important.