halloween costumes

here are some ideas for that last minute halloween party. (not all of them are in good taste.)

1) smarty pants: tape smarties all over the front of your pants. if you wear glasses, wrap tape between the lenses. caution: only apply candy to front of pants. you wouldn't look too smart sitting on the candy.

2) undercover C.I.A. agent: all you need are jeans, a t-shirt and those cool aviator sunglasses. do the johnny depp - once upon a time in mexico - thing and wear a t-shirt that reads "C.I.A." for extra points.

3) growth spurt: rummage through your closet, or shop your local thrift store to find clothes at least two sizes too small. practice a goofy walk or uneven voice for that extra awkwardness.

4) bookworm: wear glasses, dress in all green and carry around a book. show extra effort and memorize a monologue or poem.

5) conspiracy theorist: put a colander on your head, wear a garlic necklace and carry around a flask, refusing to drink or eat any food besides your own.

6) vigilante: simply wear your under garments on top of your clothes and fashion a cape out of a large towel or bed sheet. use only your cleanest underwear to avoid embarrassment.

7) an onion: starting with your lightest weight and most tight-fighting, layer on as many articles of clothing as possible. this costume works best for outdoor activities.

8) depression: skip your shower for a couple of days and wear sweat pants and shirt and carry around a half-eaten carton of ice cream. answer all questions with a non-committal noise.

9) the economy: wear a white t-shirt with a large red downward arrow. act the part by displaying manic depressive behavior.

10) yourself, as a Jehovah's Witness: just say you don't observe holidays. no costume required.